Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
