Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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