Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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