I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
