U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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