I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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