just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
