ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
