well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
