Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
