The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
