What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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