her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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