i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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