where am i from again
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
