Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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