dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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