In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
