i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
