I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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