dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
