Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
