OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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