cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
