ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
