I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
