i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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