First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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