The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
