I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
