drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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