Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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