So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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