shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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