We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
