Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
