I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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