you guys were way drunker than both of me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
