You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
