i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ketchup is God's man juice
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
