I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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