I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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