ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
