Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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