The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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