I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
