Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
