god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
