if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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