but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
