the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
