sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
vagina is talking i cant
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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